Never Let Go
by Pawprinter
Summary: Clarke and Bellamy had been separated for six years and eight days, but they both share one regret - they never told the other "I love you." As she sees him for the first time across a field, she knows that this is it. Even though he has been plagued with hallucinations, he knows this time it is real - and he knows he will never let her go. [OR; a season 5 reunion fic!]


**Hi again!**

 _ ***** Before I start my regular author's note, I just want to give credit to the creator of the cover art for this story! It is the most beautiful piece of fan art I have ever laid my eyes on. This Bellarke manip was **created by /hensctes on Twitter**. I have **received permission** on October 23 from the creator to use this as cover art! Please **do not repost** this wonderful fan art without permission from the creator themselves. **I do not claim to own this piece of art**. Go check out their Twitter to see more amazing art like this! Also, I would like to note that a piece of the fan art has been cut off by the image uploader on ffnet for it to fit the dimensions. To see the full art, go to their Twitter!*_

 **I know I really should space out when I publish my work (as I just posted a Bellarke one-shot yesterday) but I couldn't wait to post this one! It came to me pretty much in the middle of the night and I had to write it.**

 **So here it is.**

 **Setting:** This takes place after the season 4 time jump (therefore, it is a season 5 prediction fic). Clarke has been living with Madi on Earth for the last six years, while Bellamy has been up in space. This takes place **one day** after the season 4 finale (so Eligius Corporation has landed one day ago).

 **Warning:** Nothing really. This is rated T for some darker themes (such as struggling to find meaning in life), and language. If you have any concerns, just send me a message/review. I'd be more than happy to chat with you and explain the rating.

 **I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **Never Let Go**

* * *

"BELLAMY!" Clarke swore to any deity listening that she had never screamed so loud in her life. "Bellamy!" she cried again, tears freely flowing down her cheeks. Her hands were cupped around her lips, trying her best to amplify her voice. _He needed to hear her. She needed to be with him._

It had been over six years. Six years and eight days, to be exact. She had suffered loneliness, heartbreak, radiation, and the elements to get to _this exact moment_.

To see him once again.

She had lived through hell on Earth to get to this moment – reuniting with her friends and the man she loved. The last time she saw them, she could've promised them that it would have been the last time. That day all those years ago, she knew she was going to die. She knew she wasn't ever going to make it back to Becca's lab – she knew she wasn't going to go to space.

Yet, miraculously, she survived Praimfaya. The radiation didn't kill her. She thought the real challenge was over – she thought she would be able to continue to live her life until her friends and family returned to her.

She was wrong.

It was the most challenging time in her life. She never realized how _terrible_ being lonely was. Sure, she had spent a year in isolation for her crimes on the Ark, but she was never withdrawn completely. She talked to the guards when they brought her food, and she knew everyone on the outside of her cell was alive and well.

Those six years were different.

It was her and the burning planet. It was her and the lack of food. It was her and the water that burned her throat, but she knew she had to drink it or she would die. It was her and _the completely and utterly silent forest_ – darker than the night sky and quieter than the depths of the ocean. It was her and the smoky air – her lungs burning and her eyes stinging from living in such a toxic environment. It was her and her notebook she found – the only thing that kept her centred for the first year. It was her and Bellamy's jacket she wore, to remind herself of the life she used to live. It was her and her voice – she would sing songs she heard from her life on the Ark and her life on the ground, trying anything to fight off the loneliness. It was her and her thoughts – letting her regrets, fears, and worries cycle over and over, driving her to a breaking point. It was her and her own personal hell.

But she survived. She found Madi, and she did it. She survived, day after day, counting down to this exact moment.

She survived for them. She survived for her old life. She survived for her family. She survived for the old Clarke – the Clarke that died alongside the Earth. She owed it to all of them to not only survive but thrive in this new world.

She did exactly that.

She made it.

And, oh god, was this moment ever perfect. It was more than she ever could have imagined. _And she did a lot of imagining of this moment to keep her centred over the years._

Her heart had completely stopped in her chest, her knees had gone weak, and it felt like she was going to pass out. A smile wider than any other was plastered across her face. She could taste the tears of happiness on her lips.

Oh, god. It was real. _It was really him_.

He stood less than one hundred yards away, surrounded by the people she loved. Murphy held a limp Raven in his arms, his face fierce and his stance protective. _When had that changed?_ Emori and Echo stood off to the side, holding each other's hands so tight that Clarke imagined their knuckles were white. _When did they get together?_ Beside them, Harper and Monty stood in each other's grasps, completely relying on the other to keep them upright. _At least that hadn't changed._

But she wasn't focused on them, nor the burning ship that they returned in Earth with behind them. She could see the flames licking the ground behind them and she could see her friends standing close to each other, but she couldn't focus on them.

No.

She was completely and utterly focused on one singe person; the man that stood at the head of the group.

 _Her Bellamy._

His hair was slicked back from wearing the helmet he needed to return to Earth. It was longer than she remembered, but that could have been explained by the curls being pulled out to be slicked along his head. His face was hardened and his jaw was set – almost like he was hiding his emotions behind a steel mask. Yet, he didn't look like he lost his humanity – thank god. His posture looked stiff and his lips twitched every once in a while, showing his true pain behind the mask. And, to her surprise, _he had a beard_.

He looked different, yet exactly the same. He looked like he had aged, but kept the same boyish attitude she had grown to love.

It was him.

It was her Bellamy.

 _Oh god._

 _He was here._

"Bellamy!" she screamed again, desperation in her voice.

He couldn't hear her.

 _Damn it._

He was turned now, talking to the others in the group, gesturing to the ship and to Raven in Murphy's arms. Harper and Monty were slowly making their way over to her, a medical kit in their hands. From what Clarke could tell, the mechanic was injured. Clearly, it wasn't too bad of an injury, because she was gently fighting against Murphy's grip and swatting away Harper's caring hands.

 _He was so close, but he couldn't see her._ He was still just out of reach.

Clarke couldn't care. She couldn't care that he hadn't seen her yet – she felt it in her soul and in her bones that this was it. _This was the day she had been living for._

This was the happiest she had felt in _years_ – he was no longer separated by a whole sky, but only a few trees.

 _This was it._

She turned to her daughter who stood behind her, out of sight. Madi stood behind a tree, a scope held in her tiny hands as she peered at the outsiders. Sensing her mother's stare, she removed the scope from her face and turned to face her. Both women locked eyes, each just as excited as the other.

"Go to him, Clarke," she urged, a smile on her face. She knew how much her friends and _this man_ meant to her. Even though he had a beard that her mother never spoke up, she was positive this was the man. Bellamy.

Madi felt giddy just thinking of the name. She had heard so many stories of this man – the man that held Clarke's heart and had half of her soul.

She heard about him for the last several years. Of course, it took a few months for Clarke to get over her loss to tell Madi about her lost friends, but as soon as the first story was passed her lips, Madi was hooked. She couldn't get enough of the people that Clarke considered family.

And, seeing Clarke's face, Madi knew it. She knew this was the day her mother had been waiting for. This was the moment she had been dreaming of for the last six years. She knew that she had been counting down the days until this moment. She knew how heartbroken she was when he didn't return to Earth on the five-year marker. Madi knew that her mother's heart belonged completely to this man a few yards away. She knew it. _This was it._

"Go, mama!"

Clarke didn't need any more urging. She tossed the young girl her gun. She caught it with ease.

"Spot me." Madi nodded and slung the loaded riffle onto her shoulder.

Clarke knew she shouldn't be acting so foolish – after all, new people had just landed in Eden the day before. But, from what she could tell, they didn't mean any harm. They had been collecting resources and building a camp and hadn't even gone searching for other people. But, to be safe, she knew she could trust Madi. She was one of the only people that she could trust to keep her safe.

"Be safe," Clarke added. Madi nodded, a wide smile on her face. Madi could see her hands shaking and, somehow, that just made her all the more excited. Was she excited for herself or for her mother? It didn't really matter. Madi couldn't wait until her whole family was together. "I'll call you down in a moment. Let me just explain. I-"

"I know, momma!" Madi giggled. "We've only been preparing for this exact moment for _years!"_ she teased. "Go. I'll be safe, and I'll keep you safe." She patted the gun in her hands. "Give him a kiss for me." Madi sent the blonde a sassy wink. Clarke felt her cheeks light up in a blush and her heart flutter.

"I'll see you soon." Without another word, Clarke took off running.

 _Oh god. This was really happening._

She couldn't believe it. She couldn't wrap her mind around what was actually happening. _It was actually Bellamy she was running to._ It had been so long since she had rested her eyes on his form. It had been so long since she heard his voice, seen his smile, or inhaled his unique scent. It had been so long since she felt his arms around her body. It had been so long since she felt his lips on her skin.

But, seeing him, it all came flooding back to her. Every moment they spent together – every detail of every memory – it all flowed back to her like a river breaking a dam and washing across a desert.

She remembered every detail of his face. He looked like one of those Greek Gods he was so fond of reading about. His eyes were the colour of the bark on the trees. His jaw was sloped like the mountains to the west. His skin was dotted like the constellations in the sky.

His voice – it sounded like silk. She remembered how infuriating it felt to hear him mockingly call her princess, but she also remembered how she stopped dead in her tracks when he said the nickname affectionately. His voice could sooth a brewing storm – his voice could calm her every emotion.

His smile could light up the whole room. She remembered the first time she saw his lips twitch up from a good joke – not from causing chaos at the camp. She remembered when she first heard his laugh – it was rare, like that patch of green she currently treaded on – but the rarity made it all the more special.

He smelled like the woods. Clarke never knew if it was because they lived in them, or if it was something naturally about him. Nobody else had the same scent as him – not even those that lived in the woods their whole lives. Bellamy had fully embraced his life on the ground, and his scent seemed to agree that this was where he belonged.

His arms felt like home. Clarke never realized she could consider anywhere home after she lost her father. She never thought that the ground would feel like home to her – not after all of the pain and all of the death. She never thought that she would find home with someone else – especially not with the man who shot the chancellor. _But she did._ She found home with him. Home was not a place, but a person – home was a feeling she had been missing for the last six years.

His lips felt like love. She had dreamed about them brushing against hers for what felt like ever – she regretted not capturing them with hers while they had the chance. She regretted not just saying her true feelings towards him. _I love you._ Those words were so simple to pronounce, but so hard to say. _Why couldn't she just admit it?_ It didn't matter anymore. He was right there and she was going to tell him.

 _Oh, god._

 _He was here._

She didn't think she ever ran so fast in her life. At least, not since she was running towards Becca's lab and away from the wave of death all those years ago.

Now, it wasn't fear that drove her legs.

 _It was wonder._

 _It was hope._

 _It was joy._

 _It was love._

"Bellamy!" Clarke couldn't help herself from calling out. She didn't know where her lungs found the extra air to scream out his name – it felt like she should have been using it all to sprint her way towards him. Yet, she wasn't. It didn't even feel like she was using any energy to run towards him. It felt like she was floating on a cloud. She couldn't even feel the burning in her legs nor the stitch in her side – all she was focused on was getting to him.

He still couldn't hear her. That was fine – it just gave her more motivation to move quicker. She pumped her legs faster and ducked under branches of trees. She knew from experience that she only had a few more yards of forest, and then she would be running through a field – a field that they had landed on the opposite side of.

 _She was so close._

Clarke broke into the clearing. Her flesh stung from where tiny branches whipped against it, splitting it right open. She could feel fresh blood trickling down her face and her neck from where a branch smacked against her cheek.

But she didn't care.

 _She couldn't care._

All she cared about was that man in front of her. He was so close now – and so clear.

" _Bellamy!"_

A shiver went up his spine and his eyes widened. His muscles clenched all around his body and his jaw slackened. The desperate cry from a woman echoed all around the clearing. He could have sworn… It couldn't be…

"That sounded like-"

" _Clarke!"_ Murphy broke Bellamy's train of thought off. Bellamy glanced over at the man he considered a brother, whose gaze was locked directly behind him. _He looked like he had seen a ghost._ Bellamy spun around from his friends, his heart beating erratically in his chest. He brought his hand up to his brow, blocking the sun and allowing him to see across the field.

He felt his air get trapped in his throat.

 _It was her._

Oh, gods.

Oh, gods.

Oh, gods.

 _Was he hallucinating?_

He thought he got over these moments. For the first few months after he had left Clarke on Earth to die alone, all he could see was _her_. He saw her shadow under the door at night, her face in the mirror behind him, and felt her hand on his shoulder while eating breakfast.

He had imagined her alive too many times to count. He had begged for her to be alive. But he came to accept that she couldn't have survived Praimfaya. _Nobody could have survived that amount of destruction._ He had accepted that she sacrificed herself for her friends. He had accepted that she had died a hero. He had accepted that he ashes had returned to the Earth and went into making the planet whole again. He had accepted he lost her – he accepted he lost a part of himself.

"Bellamy!"

Her voice broke him out of his thoughts. _Without a doubt, that was her_. Not even in his most vivid dreams could he replicate that sound. No matter how hard he tried, he could never imagine Clarke with this amount of detail.

That was the girl that he loved. That was the girl he had abandoned and left for dead. That was the girl he had given up hope on.

He should have known better.

She was Clarke Griffin after all.

"Clarke." His throat felt like it was closing and his world spun around him. He choked on her name.

 _She was alive._

 _She was right there._

 _She was running towards him._

"Clarke!" He spoke with much more strength this time, his voice carrying across the field. " _CLARKE!"_ His body took off without a second thought. His legs moved faster and faster, bringing him closer and closer to his princess.

 _He thought he had lost her forever._

He never imagined he would see her ever again. He never imagined he would ever lay eyes on her face outside of the mug shot he carried around of her.

 _She was alive._

He could feel tears forming in his eyes. He could feel the running down his cheeks. He could feel his heart beating so hard that he heard it in his ears. He could feel the adrenaline rushing around his system.

She was alive.

He was wrong.

 _And being wrong never felt so good._

He spent the last six years a broken man. He never expected to feel the pain of living without the person he loved. He never expected to have to live through the torture of watching the other half of his soul die. He never expected to wish to have been with someone to the very end – well, at least, he never expected that for anyone other than Octavia.

He could see every detail on her face now. Her hair was cut short – the pink tips brushed against her jaw. Her eyes looked more blue than he ever remembered. She didn't wear clothing he was familiar with – but, then again, did he really expect her to be wearing the hazmat suit he left her in?

She looked strong. Bold. Confident. There was something about her that made his body scream with happiness. She looked so different, yet exactly the same.

And, before he knew it, she was in his arms. As soon as their bodies collided, he broke down sobbing. His arms wrapped around her tiny frame, both of them sobbing uncontrollably. Sorrow overwhelmed him. Regret filled his sense.

 _But so did happiness._

He had never felt so much joy before. He had never felt so much pain and regret before. He was so conflicted as to what to feel. He hated himself for leaving her behind – he hated himself for living his life without her.

But did that really matter now?

She was alive.

She was here.

She was in his arms.

 _She was alive._

"Oh, god!" Clarke wailed, wrapping her arms around his frame. Her fingers locked together behind his back, just like they did they exact same day they got ripped apart. " _Oh, god, Bellamy!"_ Her knees gave out, but Bellamy continued to hold her upright. He could barely see her through his tears, but he could still feel her. _She was real. She was alive. She was here._

"I know. I know, Clarke," Bellamy sobbed. She was sobbing harder now, too. Her mouth was moving, but no sounds were coming out. "Clarke!" he cried again, in complete disbelief. "I – I – Oh, gods. Clarke."

She buried his nose into his neck and took in a shaking breath. Her back heaved with sob after sob and her fingers curled into his blue shirt. Bellamy didn't hesitate to respond to the hug. His hands dug into her clothing as well, pulling her as close as possible. His lips were pressed tightly against the top of her head. He didn't think it would be humanly possible to get any closer – all he knew was he wished he never had to leave the embrace. _He missed her so much._

"Clarke," he sobbed. His knees finally gave out from underneath him and they both went tumbling to the ground. Their limbs were a tangled mess beneath them, but they couldn't give a damn. They were holding the person they had missed the most – they were holding the person they had regretted not saying their feelings to most.

"You're here!" Clarke managed to say between sobs. She pulled away from his neck and swiped a few tears off of her face. She rested both of her hands on his shoulders, her fingers pulling at the fabric. He was instantly brought back to on the Ark, when he would feel hands resting on his shoulders – when he could have sworn her spirit was protecting him. "Bellamy! You're here!" He felt a laugh pass between his lips.

"I'm here!? God, Clarke! _You're alive_!" He unlinked his hands from her sides and brought them to her face. _He couldn't get enough of her_. He wanted to feel every inch of her – to remind himself that she was okay – that she was alive. "I thought you were dead." His voice broke at the end of the sentence, showing the true pain he felt. Clarke let out a broken sob to match his, allowing her body to experience the turmoil of emotions she was currently feeling.

"I thought I'd never see you again."

"I'm right here," Bellamy breathed. He brushed his thumb across her cheek bone, catching a few stray tears. "I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere." He rested his forehead against hers. "I'm not going anywhere," he repeated. Their eyes locked. Warm brown and piercing blue. " _I promise_."

He would never know who initiated it, but suddenly, his lips were pressed against hers. _And, gods, he would be lying if he said it didn't felt like her lips were healing his soul._

Her fingers made their way from his shoulders to his hair, releasing it from the gel that held it in place. Strand by strand, the curls she was so used to bounced back, wrapping around her delicate fingers.

Bellamy's hand wound into her hair, playing with the shorter strands. _He'll have to get used to the new length._ His other hand found its way to her back, pressing her body close to his.

Their tears met and mixed together as their lips found each other's over and over. _She tasted like life and he tasted like home._

"I missed you," Clarke mumbled against his lips. Bellamy smiled and pulled back the slightest bit.

"I missed you, too, princess." He wrapped his arms tightly around her body and she rested her face against his neck once more. He had one regret, and he would not go another moment without saying his true feelings. He knew what it was like to live a life where he wondered if the person he loved truly knew his feelings. _He loved her_. He was too scared of her not loving him back to say it all those years ago, but, during their separation, he realized that there were worse things to be scared of. _It was worse to wonder what could have been than being scared of rejection._ "I-"

"I love you, Bellamy." His eyes went wide at that. _It seemed as if she was having similar thoughts as him._

"Gods," he gasped. He blinked several times before a wide smile spread across his lips. "I love you, too," he replied. Clarke pulled back from the hug, a wide smile on her face. For the first time in what felt like years, Bellamy let out a laugh.

 _He wished he could stay in this moment forever._

"Do you want to meet someone?" Clarke asked suddenly. Bellamy raised his eyebrow. "My daughter. Do you want to meet my daughter?" Bellamy tilted his head, overcome with curiosity and confusion. "She and I were the only two left in the world after Praimfaya. I raised her." A smile slowly spread across his face.

"I'd love to. I already know – she has me wrapped around her little finger." He pressed another kiss to her lips. "If she's anything like her mother, I'll love her, too."

As Clarke stood up from the ground, Bellamy couldn't help but feel overwhelmed.

She was here.

She was alive.

She loved him.

He didn't know exactly how she managed to survive, but that would be for another time. All he cared about now was never letting go of the woman he loved.

 _He would never let go._

* * *

 **This fic will also be posted on my Tumblr (pawprinterfanfic) and my Archive of Our Own (Pawprinter). Feel free to find me there, as well as on Twitter (Pawprinter1).**

 **If you enjoy Bellarke, I have 11 (!) other fics focused on them! You can find the full listing by clicking on my profile. There's pretty much something for everyone there - angst, fluff, canon, modern AU, etc. Check them out and let me know what you think!**

 **Leave a review to let me know your thoughts. I always enjoy reading what you guys have to say! The comments really do make my day.**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Paw**


End file.
